What do you think of my story called "Corporation Wars"?

The Basic plot of my story involves ten different characters during an post-apocalyptic setting in which society has been reduced to ruins. What remains of society is the large corporations that have managed to brainwash society into believing they are gods. The society that is featured in this story has been reduced to yet another dark age, however the corporations that survived to brainwash humanity managed to keep all of the education and technology to themselves thus forcing humanity into mental slavery and into stupidity. This story takes place in the western hemphispher of America around the west coast. The ten characters are…

1. Mtn Dew, a Mountain Dew worshipper who believes in the power of The Dew (The Dew is the mystical god of all things yummy and is long believed to renergize the sleepy ones of Pepsi land, "the land that tastes like bland syrup," as the Mountain Dew Worshipers call it, and will drive out the non-believers who dare chastise The Dew)

2. Father Pepsi- This character is the enemy of The Dew Worshipers. Father Pepsi believes the active ingredient of Pepsi is believe. Knows Kung-fu, constantly advises his followers to drink diet Pepsi to lose weight, thinks that drinking Pepsi will hydrate people and thinks that pepsi is a code word for "epsip" which he claims is the name of the lost city of Pepsi land which was destroyed by the Dew People.

3. Brother I-pod constantly sings commercial jingles that are aired by the company of Ipod that has relocated its Head Quarters to a mountain located in Southern California called "Mount Alma" (Alma meaning Apple.) Brother I-pod is generally raiding the stores that are abandoned due to the nuclear war, and makes friends out of the left over i-pods referring to them as "Noble Spirits that make singing noises and stuff." At one point of the story he falls in love with the i-pod claiming that "The i-pod touched my soul!"

4. Commander Sneaker, is the highest officer in the Sneaker army. In the beginning of the story commander Sneak is informed that people would rather drink from the enlightened Mtn Dew, than to walk a mile in the Sneakers shoes, ergo Commander Sneaker declares war on the soft Drink empire and declares anything containing the ways of The Dew to be an enemy of the Republic. Commander Sneaker generally cannot function without seeing that his military personell, who are generally dosing off, to wear any sort of sneaker product.

5. Wall-mart Witness- A obvious parody to that of a religious sect of Christianity called "Jevohas Witness" the "Wall-mart Witness" is not one character but a group of people going door-to-door telling the ways of the wall-mart. This group is stationed in the ruins of Wall-Mart located outside of L.A. and believes that the other stores have been "zombified" and secretly believe that there is a "7-11 underground in which the other 7-11 peoples will like take over the world and then like take over the banks and then after they like…. ummm… like ya know… wait what? Oh yeah, okay like once they take over the world they will impose super high prices and not greet the customers! We need to greet the customers!" Wall-mart witnesses believe in "low prices" and at some point of the story declare war on Safeway, due to one of the Witnesses saying "I ate an apple over at that store and guess what? Radiation! While another character of the Witness group saying "Um well a nuclear war just occurred. That is why there is radiation." Then the character that made the comment that the apples have radiation shouts "Infidel! You will pay for your blasphemy!" They then sacrifice the "non-believer" to the wall-mart overlord who hides somewhere between aisles 1-205. The Wall-mart overlord is actually a reference to a product featured in aisle 705, which features a picture of Zeus, who is playing a guitar. On the back of the product it features the phrase "Its so good it is the Wall-mart overlord!" The reason why Wall-mart decided to trick the Wall-mart witnesses into believing that the "Wall-mart overlord exists" was primarily to keep them in constant fear so that they would be afraid to betray Wall-mart and to deter them from going to the "Heretic 7-11 that has strayed from the path of the almighty Wall-mart"

6. HP- Also known as HP is a group of people referred to by two names even though the two names are actually the same name. The group refers to them self as HP and then claims his nickname is HP. Anyways HP is also a group of followers who claim to have seen the error of Wall-marts ways and thus declared war on Wall-mart. In one scene of the story the CEO’s of Wall-mart and HP disguise themselves as gods and create a whole sort of trickery into making the mortals or as the CEO’s refer to them as "Customers" think that the t
hink that the two CEO’s just got into an epic fight. The

reason why Wall-mart and HP are fighting are unclear, due to the fact that their fighting has spanned over 5,000

years and thus the true history of the conflict is unknown.

7. Church of Sprite- Yet another group however this group follows the god Sprite, who they claim is "a reincarnation

of Water that is all fizzy like and when you like shake it and then open the bottle it like goes ‘phssh and then it

goes all over the floor and then it gets sticky." The CEO of sprite is in constant communication with the followers

of the Church and make them believe that the chosen one, who is said by the followers of the Church "to bring

Justice to all of the good boys and girls who buy sprite that they will some day be saved and be given a special

coupon, but for a limited time only. Only in selected areas."

8. I-pod Slave traders- are yet another group of people. The people are like Brother I-pod in the sense that they
in the sense that they

both like I-pods, however Brother I-pod believes that all I-pods are created equal, however the I-pod slave traders

don’t like I-pod shuffle and deem it the work of the Zune (Zune is Microsofts MP3 player, which is claimed to be the

I-pod devil) , and claims that the "Zune will lead to the stupification of planet Earth, which will like totally

never happen as long as the I-pod Slavers are around, ya know?" The slavers look for anyone not worshipping the

I-pad and enslave them and force them to subscribe to their Apple god, otherwise they will "unsubscribe to their

life," as the I-pod Slavers call it when they refer to death. The I-pod Slavers generally use lingo that is in

association with the product of Apple, and refer to good people as "8 GB" and to bad people as "1 MHz/hour" I-pod

Slavers believe that the "unworshippers," as they call them, are leading an active revolt against the "gods of Mount

Alma" and think that if the "Unworshippers suc
succeed in their revolution that the "unworshippers" will eat their

I-pads and then touch screen their children and then download them to Hell. The Hell to the I-pod Slavers is

referred to as "Zune Land."

9.
9. Church of Fox- This group of people follow Fox News, another corporation that survived the Nuclear fallout, and

claim that "Global warming is the work of the Refrigerator Company that is trying to sell alot of refrigerators."

The worshipers also claim that "Liberals are Nazi Communists cause Glen Beck says so!" They also make claims that,

"If you buy a DVD of Glen Beck you can get two more DVD’s for the price of threefold! Yes buy one DVD and you get

two DVD’s that are threefold the price! Yes, I will said it again, the price folds three times!" These characters

also believe that "Bill O’ Reilly is composed of "Super know stuff," which the worshipers of Fox News claim that

Bill O’ Reilly was the son of a Librarian and therefore that’s why he like knows stuff, however Bill O’ Reilly

openly admits that he doesn’t know anything and simply reads his script.

10. Steve- The last character that is featured within this story and is only known as Steve. His past is relatively
unknown and is never revealed, Steve has lost his memory and jumps to the conclusion that he can travel time. Steve

is the ancestor of the "Liberian Gods" who were said to "watch over all things that were said to have stuff all over

paper that like told you stuff in stories and so on." Steve is the only character not referred to as a product.

Steve’s true goal is to find the "Liberian Gods" and to read something called a "Book." Steve eventually finds the

lost city of "Library of Congress" and discovers that the "Gods" are in fact frauds which thus prompts Steve to run

for his life as all of the character come running after him, however he frees Brother I-pod and they join forces.

As for the rest of the film Steve and Brother I-pod travel together as Brother I-pod sings commercial Jingles and

tries to tell people of the ways of Apple, and that all I-pods are created equal, and Steve who has a book that can

be used as evidence to prove that the "Gods" are fake.
I was planning on making two movies. The first one follows Steve and his journey to the "Liberian Gods" and the

second involves Steve’s goal to overthrow the CEO "Gods."

So what do you think of my story? Does it need improvement?

way too long